the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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