last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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