i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
