there was a trapeze. enough said
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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