What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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