Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
