I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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