I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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