What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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