i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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