Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
