my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
