I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
