i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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