I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
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