So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
