So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
PS: I just woke up from my shower
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
