I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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