it wasn't lemon gatorade
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
