Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
