Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
