We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
