so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
