I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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