i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize