READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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