Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
