We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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