what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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