What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i came on her dog
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
