We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You need a sexual gate keeper
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
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