Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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