I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
