I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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