listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
