You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
