if i can run in heels then i can drive
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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