you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
