guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
