If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize