You just made me feel so damn special
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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