btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
