he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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