is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
