I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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