I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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