Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
