I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
