he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
