now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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