i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
