So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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