I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
