She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
