why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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