Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
