Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
a search helicopter?!
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
