I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
