and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
