it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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