I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
