nut hugger
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
