i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
