You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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