Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
