she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
