I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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