I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
